The Old Man Man The Young Man
Ere on the side of caution, my friend,
that, is such a wise thing to do.
ere on the side of caution,
I beg and implore you, until I quite bore you,
for such is such a wise thing to do.
Said the young man to the old, who shivered in the cold,
I am brash, I am bold, and stories will be told
of daring feats and stick treats,
and things that go chomp in the night.
And I will be there with a full head of hair,
to confront the things that would scare.
To rise to the occasion, to withstand the abrasion,
of those things that go chomp in the night,
but should I fail, the sirens will wail
for they will not be the end of my tale.
Said the man who was old and quite blue with the cold,
your confidence makes you too bold.
To think that your foe would be stopped by one blow,
by a chap barely out of his teens,
your memory is quit short, for the things your were taught
have blown away in the wind and the rain
There is nothing up there, beneath that full head of hair
except some fanciful notion,
so take heed I declare for I was once there
and I once had a full head of hair.
The young man in reply, said with a sigh,
and a tone most decidedly sly.
When thing go awry I simply eat pie,
until I am fit to pop!
But I never get fat, like an old Cheshire cat
and Iím not as big as a ball,
for my legs are too long
and my arms are quite strong,
you see, I am simple just too tall.
But you old man are half my hight,
so pie is not good for you,
youíd look so fat in your satin and tat
and that ridiculous floppy hat.
So take heed of my words and eat-up your curds
a diet befitting you hight,
keep away from hake, haddock and skate,
eat pilchard's and prawns instead.
For they are quite nice, on toast or with rice,
washed down with a tankard of ale,
I will have dripping, and I will have suet,
on a tray with a silver cruet.
And when it gets dark I'll sneak out to the park,
with a parcel tucked under my arm.
I will chomp on my chips, cook mash mellows on sticks
by the fire I will light in the dark.
Then Iíll sneak back, to the pantry in fact,
and confront the foe that awaits,
STOP! said the man who shivered and shook
who was as cold as a cold thing on ice.
You are too bold as I have already told
and for your hight I have no care,
be quiet I say or rue this day
for I will take my scissors to your hair.
My hair, my hair!
You threaten my hair,
I doubt that you would dare,
Iíd pinch you nose and tickle your toes
until I made you cry.
The old man in rebuff, said enough is enough,
of your empty idle threats.
Iíll stamp and shout, wave my arms about,
and if that doesnít work, Iíll give you a clout.
be assured I say and have no doubt,
Iím not scared of you, my friend.
The young man said, as red as can be,
how dare you speak like that to me!
Your only half my hight I say,
and you should be grateful anyway,
Iíve given you lots of good advice,
on prawns and pilchard's, hake and rice.
I was about to tell you about sugar mice,
but now I donít think I shall,
The old man replied, in a tone quite snide,
with little patience and alot of pride,
You can keep your treasured nuggets of knowledge,
I have my own on peas and porridge.
I know about a plant called borage,
thatís something you donít know.
The young man quipped, I do, I do,
Itís a neatly plant with flowers of blue.
Iíve seen it grow taller than you,
but that is not hard to do.
The old man quaffed, in quick retort,
You really are the slithery sort,
Thereís a lesson here,
you need be taught,
and I might be just the one.
He got quite hot he got quite flustered,
he grabbed a jar of English mustard,
and threw it at his friend.
He waved a baguette above his head,
and challenged his friend to a duel and a bet.
Tu che tu che, tu che I say,
you my friend will rue this day.
The young man quipped a short reply,
I tell you now I will make you cry.
A baguette have you, a courgette have I
On guard, on guard on guard say I
And so they fought all through the night ,
under a moon so silver and bright,
until the day succumbed the night,
they fought and fought a bitter fight.
Breakfast time both came and went,
dinner time was all but spent
and neither friend would relent,
until teatime came around.
The young man said, in a casual way,
with an indifferent tone, that held no sway.
Have I now, no idea at all,
as to why we fight or why we brawl.
What was it you said that started it all?
It must have been you, of that Iím sure.
The old man gave a sour look
with indignation he was shook.
He grabbed a heavy recipe book
and waved it in the air.
That my friend was not so nice,
retract that statement, retract it twice.
for compensation Iíll have prawns and rice
and then you can tell me about sugar mice,
I know you know of them,
you said you did.
so donít pretend that I tell a fib,
or Iíll clout you with this book.
The young man said with much conceit,
if you try my patience you will be beat,
with a sharp left hook I am quick on my feet
so coition should be yours.
The old man said I could call your bluff,
I could play your game I could it play it rough,
but of you my friend I have had enough.
so good bye to you say I.
The young man said, well go your way,
I have no intention to ask you to stay,
you only cheat when you play,
and little truth in the things you say.
So hurry-up and on your way,
you only whinge and you only bray,
there is nothing left for me to say,
Shall I pack your bags?